


Err... No

by NihilismBot



Category: Mortal Kombat (Video Games), Mortal Kombat - All Media Types
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, Food Kink, M/M, Self-cest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-10-02 12:11:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17263988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NihilismBot/pseuds/NihilismBot
Summary: Posting my bad Errno fanfic here for safety





	1. Chapter 1

Kano was slowly licking down Erron’s side when he went to grab their cock ring to put it on Erron’s cock. But the cock ring just friggin melted right then and there.

“Oi! Fuck!” said Kano.

“MMmmmfffmmrrmm” said Erron through his mask. He wasn’t gagged or anything, his mask just muffled his voice.

Kano shot up, needing to fix this situation immediately. “Oi’m gonna make one!” Kano said in Australian.

He looked in the dresser, but only found rope and additional cock rings! He looked in the wardrobe but only found cock rings and shirts! He looked in the cabinets, but only found cock rings!

Finally he went into the kitchen and found canned pineapple rings. “Yeah, this’ll work!” he said while flailing. 

Kano easily slipped the pineapple ring on Erron’s hard 3.4 inch member. “Mmmfffrrn?” asked Erron.

“Roight! Now ye can’t cum!” said Kano.

Kano put his penis in Erron’s anus and then trhust for a bit and then they wooobles and floosh! and ejactrulate. Except Erron couldn’t because of the pineapple :(

“MMNN!!” said Erron, desperately.

Kano took pity on the gun for hire and seductively ate the pineapple around his cock allowing Erron so splooge everywhjere.

“This is such a mess and I’m never letting you cum again.” scolded Kano.

“mrrff” Erron mnnff’d

 


	2. The One with Fursuits

Erron froze as he walked into his apartment. The sight greeting him was just too erotic, too sensual, too sexy, too much, too little, too late.

Kano was laying seductively on the couch, sticking one of his leggies out really far. That alone would have been enough for Erron to instant jizz right then but there was more to it than that; Kano was dressed as Sonic the Hedgehog.

“‘Ello, baby.” Kano said with catchphrase. “I know I left you because I said you loved Sonic more than me but I realized that I could be your Sonic.”

Erron was in tears and also boners. He didn’t have the heart to tell Kano that his favorite character was actually Big the Cat. But there was more than just that.

“I sold my Sonic collection to buy this Falco costume!” Erron sobbed sobbingly with a sob.

Kano was shocked. “But I sold my Starfox collection to buy this Sonic costume!”

Erron sobbed extra for Kano’s beloved Starfox collection. He cried even as he put on the Falco costume. It made his ass look great.

They sobbed n silence for a day then Kano said “I guess I will have to make you as happy as your whole Sonic collection did.” And I finally get to felate Falco!

Kano dropped to his knees in front of Erron who was still in the doorway to their apartment. He carefully guided Erron’s flaccid cock through the suit’s SPH and said “Sim sim sala bim!” Instantly bringing Erron’s erection to its full length (1 inch).

With great effort, Kano was able to get the massive member into his mouth as he studied and licked it and bit it a little too.

Without warning, erron came all over everything. “Now I would like to put it in your butt” said Erron.

Okay said Kano who was already bent in half in an uncomfortable way. The Sonic suit automatically lubricated his ass with chilli.

“Oh wow! I knew chilli dogs were Sonic’s favorite, but I never imagined it like this!” Says Erron. He was lying, he had imagined it like that. He write at least four Shadow/Sonic fics where they used chilli as lubricant and made some dumb joke about ‘made a chilli dog out of my ass.’

The chilli burned terribly on Kano’s butt and also Erron’s schlong but that made them both even harderer.

Then Kano said it, “gotta go fast!”

Erron ka-bloowied everywhere which made kano also ker-blam!

Then they fell asleep and never talked to each other again ever.

 


	3. The Hotdog One

It was a cool spring day, a gentle breeze caressed Erron’s tanned skin carrying with it the faint scent of flowers. He had just finished his ~~morning~~ afternoon jog. (It would have been a morning jog but he didn’t really get out of bed until noon). The exercise left him thirsty and, as the rumble in his stomach indicated, a bit hungry.

To his luck, he spotted some type of food truck. The writing on the side read, “Black Dragon Hot Dogs.” It was a stupid name, in his opinion, but as long as they sold food, he didn’t care.

Erron approached the truck. “I’ll have a bottle of water,” his voice was breathy from the run, “and a foot long.”

“That’ll be $5,” said the man behind the window. Erron reached into his fanny pack and pulled out the money. He went to hand the bill to the man and his eyes went wide.

He had been so occupied ordering that he hadn’t noticed how unbelievably attractive the hot dog vendor was. His hairline was receding, but the rest of his body was covered in thick, glorious locks. It was like a carpet on his chest and arms. Even his goatee was long, tied together with a small hair tie and obscured by a beard-net for sanitary reasons. Erron paused in handing the money to the vendor. A sly smile crossed his lips.

“How about I pay you some other way?” Erron teased.

The vendor glared at him. “How about you give me my damn money!”

That plan was a bust. With a pout, he finally handed the money to the vendor. Soon, Erron was handed a water bottle and the vendor turned to heat up the hot dog on the grill. Erron unscrewed the bottle cap and began drinking.

Through sheer incompetence, Erron managed to spill the water all over his shirt. He gasped at the sensation of cold water attacking his sensitive nipples.

“Oh! I’m all wet!” Erron announced.

The vendor looked at him and licked his lips. “Why don’t you climb up on my big truck, you’ll get much hotter. And I still have to give you your foot long.”

Erron nodded and the man let him inside.

“Name’s Kano,” the vendor said.

“Erron.”

Smoke filled the small truck. Erron’s hot dog had been burned!

“Oh no!” Erron gasped.

“No worries, love. I have another foot long that might interest you.” Kano grabbed his crotch in a way that Erron could only describe as _irresistible_.

The speed at which Erron disrobed was legendary. Nothing was going to keep him from riding that glorious, allegedly 12-inch, piece of kangaroo meat. Erron’s cock rose to attention with a soft _boing_.

“I see you’re eager for this, love, I won’t make you wait.” Kano flexed and his shirt ripped to shreds, allowing Erron to fully appreciated the covering of hair on this man’s body. With only the might of his erection, Kano also tore open his pants. (They weren’t torn to shreds though, just the front was ruined. This sort of thing happened to Kano all the time, so he had a bunch of clothes stashed away for these sorts of things. He wasn’t worried.)

“Oh my!” Erron gasped at the mighty below-average dong and it’s matching pair of balls-that-were-on-the-large-side-and-made-the-cock-look-small. He needed that in his anus at this very moment.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Kano said while reaching for something, “but I don’t carry any lube with me. I have something else that will work.”

Erron was too hypnotized by Kano’s willy to see what he had grabbed. It didn’t matter, it could be habanero sauce for all he cared. He opened his mouth to say something poetic, but all that came out was, “Fuck me.”

Kano chuckled, “Let’s take this to the cockpit.”

The “cockpit” was the driver’s seat of the food truck, of course. Kano sat down and gestured for Erron to sit on his lap, which Erron eagerly did. Kano squirted a generous amount of _something_ into his hand and began coating his johnson with it. Erron took a look at it and smiled.

Awkwardly, Kano lowered Erron on to his one-eyed-trouser-snake, the ketchup providing enough lubrication to make the gesture smooth and easy.

“Yes!” Erron shouted enthusiastically, despite very little having happened.

Right away, Erron began bouncing on Kano’s stiffy. Enjoying the slightly tingling feeling the ketchup left. 

“You like that?” Kano growled while jack-hammering into Erron.

“YES!” Erron screamed, “MAKE A HOT DOG OUT OF MY ASS!”

With that, Kano immediately climaxed, adding hot man-mayonnaise to Erron’s ass dog. The sensation pushed Erron over the edge and he came too, spewing copious amounts of come from his purple-helmeted-yogurt-slinger.

They panted, then Kano whispered, “That’ll be $50.”

 


	4. The Minion Thong One

Erron was entirely too happy when he entered the studio apartment that he shared with Kano. Some of the light bulbs had burnt out and no one bothered to fix them, Erron had to take a second to adjust his eyes to the dark. He dropped his coat and satchel as well as a small package on the floor next to the door then kicked his boots. Picking the package back up, he walked over to the corner of the apartment that functioned as a kitchen.

Setting the box on a counter, he opened the microwave to look for something to cut open the tape. The microwave had been broken for years, and neither remembered to replace it, it now sat on its back with the door facing up and was utilized as storage for miscellaneous items. Really, most of their drawers functioned like this.

He found a cleaver and deemed it sufficient for the task at hand and hacked away at the tape. Erron opened the box and gave a pleased hum at the contents. Picking up the item, he walked over to Kano, who had been sitting on a couch masturbating while watching  _Jenny’s Backdoor Adventures Vol. III._

“Hey, guess what arrived, my dear Koala.” Erron was already taking his clothes off in anticipation.

“Busy,” Kano grunted.

Erron walked up behind Kano and slid his hands down his chest, fingers combing through the thick chest hair. “You’re about to be a lot busier.”

This got Kano’s attention. Though he didn’t stop stroking himself, he did turn his head to look at Erron. “What’s got ya all excited?”

Grinning, Erron stood up and reached into his back pocket pulling out the item he was so thrilled to own. He playfully tossed in on Kano’s head.

Kano pulled the item away from his face to get a proper look at it. It was some sort of crocheted g-string, or banana hammock, or whatever the thing was called. Most of the yarn used was blue, but the….tip was yellow. A grin crept on Kano’s face as he recognized the character.

“Ya got me a Minion thong?”

“Hand made.” Erron leaned in closer to whisper in Kano’s ear. “Why don’t you put it on for me?”

Kano was happy to oblige. We stood up, kicking off his jeans which were around his ankles, and put on the thong, his hard cock easily slipped into the intended pocket. When he looked down to try and admire himself, he couldn’t help but smile at the small Minion face smiling back at him.

“How do I look?” Kano asked in husky voice.

Erron licked his suddenly dry lips, honestly he could barely see the thong through all of Kano’s body hair, but he knew that it was no doubt hot. “Damn.”

Erron tugged off what remained of his clothes and walked around to the front of the couch. He pulled Kano into a rough kiss, their tongues clashing and hands eagerly roamed each other’s body. Erron could feel the soft yarn of the Minion thong rubbing against his dick. He couldn’t believe how hard he was just from kind of seeing the thong once.

“Bend over,” Erron growled into Kano’s ear.

Kano knelt on the couch seat and braced himself against the backrest. Erron gave his ass a swat before he grabbed the bottle of lube that was on the couch from Kano’s earlier activity. He coated his fingers then moved the ribbon from the thong aside before he slid them inside of Kano.

Kano made a sound that was something like a snarl. “Erron!”

Erron kept working his fingers in and out of Kano. As he stretched Kano, Erron leaned forward.

“Now, don’t go dirtying your new thong, you just got it.” Erron whispered while he tugged at some of Kano’s chest hair.

“Yeah? And how.., do ya expect me… to do that?” Kano asked between pants.

Erron removed his fingers. “That’s your problem.” Erron plunged his length into Kano making the man cry out in pleasure.

The rhythm was fast, Erron barely able to contain himself. The thought of that small smiling Minion on Kano’s cock was driving him wild. He kept himself steady with one hand on Kano’s wait as he pumped in and out.

“Erron… I’m gonna…” Kano gasped.

“Don’t you dare! You’ll ruin the thong!” Erron slapped Kano’s ass for added emphasis.

He knew he wouldn’t be long. Fucking Kano like this… It was like he was fucking a real Minion. A fuzzy Minion anyway. His thoughts then went to picturing a Minion with body hair and…

Erron came hard, screaming his throat sore. He swore he had never come so much or so hard. He slumped over Kano, exhausted and his body still twitching and he rode out the last waves on pleasure.

Erron’s world had gone silent and white and he only heard Kano’s voice after the man had shifted to throw him to the floor.

“Can I come yet or not?” Kano asked angrily.

Through his hazy vision, Erron looked up at the Minion smiling down on him.

“Not until I get to wear it.”

 


	5. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now neither of us will be virgins.

It was meant to be a simple job. Figure out how much damaged had been done to Sektor, quote an unreasonable price, get paid, get out. Probably also fix Sektor at some point in the process. Who cared about that ketchup robot.

He had just turned to Kano, making a show of discussing the price when his train of thought was interrupted by the most beautiful voice he had ever heard.

“Take the deal, trust me.”

Erron looked over to see where that angelic sound had come from and was greeted by a mirror image of his partner. Only with hair. And more wrinkles. And so much more hair. Also tattoos.

His throat felt dry, this was why the time stream was never meant to be messed with. No room should contain this much raw, untamed sexual energy. Erron stepped closer to Geras, trying to get a better look at the gorgeous sight before him.

The two Kanos appraised either other, remarking on the small changes between each other. The younger Kano playfully punched the older Kano in the shoulder. “Over fifty and still a ripper,” he remarked.

Behind the mask, Erron bit at his bottom lip and swallowed hard. “There's still the matter of our fee,” Erron choked out. He had to say something to ground himself. Something to get his mind off the infinite possibilities of two Kanos.

Unfortunately, whatever older Kano said involved the phrase “Black Dragon come out on top” and any hope Erron had of calming down his growing erection was gone.

Older Kano turned to younger Kano, “You and I should get reacquainted in private.” He lifted the younger Kano's chin to meet his eyes, which made no sense since they were already the same height.

“That would be for the best,” said Geras, who Erron had basically forgotten about at this point.

The younger Kano grinned. “Erron, you got this right?” He began to turn away with his older counterpoint.

No. No. No! Erron couldn't lose this opportunity! He needed to come up with a good reason for them to stay. Or for him to go with them. Preferably between them, but he wouldn't be demanding. “No!” Erron shouted, “You can get acquainted right here! No shame in two muscular men who are also the same man bonding in public.”

Geras frowned. “No, there is a great deal of shame with every part of that sentence. Go in private.”

Erron was going to figure out how to kill Geras and do it immediately. No immortal beefcake was going to stop him from being the meat in a Kano sandwich. Or just watching two Kanos get down and nasty. He **needed** this!

Fortunately, the older Kano seemed to pick up on his implication. Certainly the younger one had never figured out the meaning behind any of his advances. Even now he looked to his older counterpart with a bewildered expression.

“How's about we negotiate the details of the contract in,” the older Kano suavely grinned at Erron, “ten minutes. Sound good to you Geras?”

T-ten minutes? Ten whole minutes?! That was twice as many as five! Erron was grateful for his mask which hid how his jaw hung slack.

Geras only scoffed. “Fine. Be dressed.”

“Maybe,” the older Kano placed his hand on the small of Erron's back and guided him out of the meeting room while the younger Kano lead the way.

Oh. actually it would be less than ten minutes, wouldn't it? Since the walk to the nearest private room was two minutes, and they'd have to be back in ten minutes, so that really gave them... Five-no- six minutes! Still! Six minutes with two Kanos was like twelve minutes with one!

Kano and Kano could barely keep their hands off each other. Younger Kano's smooth hands roaming over older Kano's hair body, hungrily peeling clothing off before they even reached the supply closet. Older Kano licked a stripe across younger Kano's bald head.

“You smooth everywhere?” Older Kano teased.

Younger Kano shoved older Kano's hand down his pants allowing his older self to feel for himself. “Does this jog your memory?” he purred.

Older Kano was eagerly shoving younger Kano into the supply closet. He pulled the door closed behind them, preventing Erron from advancing. Before shutting the door completely, he turned his head, “Hey, cowboy”

“Y-yes?” Please oh please be an invitation. Honestly, Kano just saying “come here” would probably be enough to get Erron to cream his jorts at this point.

“Watch the door.”

With that, the door slammed shut.

Oh.

It was fine. Erron could still make the most of this. With the confidence of a mediocre white man, Erron shoved his hand down his pants and pressed his ear against the door. He fumbled with his grip, but eventually found a decent enough rhythm to beat his meat to as he listened to the erotic sounds.

There were wet kissing sounds, like someone punching a bucket of yogurt. Gruff grunts, like two antelopes fighting. Weird honks too for some reason that Erron assumed were very erotic. Not to mention the dirty talk.

“Oi! I should top, I'm older!” said one of the Kanos.

“Your bones are all creaky! I should top.” Presumably a different Kano said.

“You won't last two seconds if you top!” Probably the first Kano shouted.

“Shut it old man! Bend over and take my shrimp on your barbie!” Likely the second Kano said.

“OH! Kano!” A Kano kano'd.

More grunting like what Erron imagined two dingoes would sound like if they were fighting over cottage cheese. Hearing one of the Kanos shout their release was enough to trigger Erron to shout his release. He slumped to the floor, lazily wiping his hand on the wall to clean it. No longer influenced by the haze of lust, he now regretted his decision to jizz in his pants. He'd have a wet spot all day until he had a gross cakey spot. Poor planning.

Maybe next time he could convince one Kano to let him jizz in their pants. But that would have to wait for another day. For now, six minutes was up.


End file.
